Tonight has been one of those nights when I have been reminded of how powerless and out of control, I am. It has been one of those nights when the only thing I can do is stand on my faith and know that the Infinite will work it all out. It has been one of those nights when all I can do is pray. Being a parent has its moments of deep joy and those moments where all one can do is stand on one’s faith and know that everything is going to be ok. My son, Nicholas adopted me about 19 years ago. He gave birth to our relationship in his heart and while legally we will never be related, don’t ever try to tell him I am not his mom, because he will tell you how wrong you are in a heartbeat. He has had one of those lives that would make a lifetime made for TV movie and not in a good way. He has lived through more things then you could ever wish upon anyone and yet in the midst of it all, he has managed to stay surrounded by messengers of love who have used their gifts to help him heal, grow and evolve to the young man he is today. In the last 19 years, he has gone from a space where he was in restraints 15-20 times a day to where he now goes months and years without having to be restrained.
Tonight he called and left a message for me where he was sobbing uncontrollably. Once I got him on the phone all he could do was cry and I had a hard time understanding what he was saying. All I knew was that he was in an emotional crisis and I did not know why and I did not know what to do. As he was beginning to tell me his story, his phone went dead. For this past hour, all I could do was sit here and pray. I have not been able to reach him or his caregiver since then. It has been one of those moments when after trying to reach anyone in the house where he lives that I realized I had done all I could. So now, all I could do was take quiet time with God and release the concern.
It has been one of those nights when all I have been able to do is pray. “Dear God, please take care of my child. He has been through so much in his life and through your love, grace, and healing powers, he has come to where he now has a chance to experience life anew, freedom, joy, and your limitless blessings. Touch his heart, mind, and soul and bring him back to a place of peace and relaxation. Silence those voices and memories that are disturbing him and grant him peace. We ask that you touch the heart, mind, and spirit of his care providers that they might be guided by your ever-loving wisdom and mercy. May all be protected and safe. May your peace come upon the household and keep all safe. May you come into my heart and soul that I might stand firm in my faith and knowledge that you are with him and protecting him even as I write this prayer. I thank you for your unconditional love and grace. Amen. Ashe. And so it is.
I found myself waking up about 2 am to go to the bathroom, or so I thought. I guess the real reason I was woken up was that Nick's caregiver was online and we have been chatting with each other and ministering to each other for the past hour. He is sleeping safely and for that we are all grateful. She will be meeting with the case management team tomorrow about what next. May we continue to hold the entire household in prayer.