So it is one of those nights when my brain does not seem to want to shut off and instead is bouncing around full of ideas and things to do. It seemed like every time I would fall asleep, I would wake up with a note about something I needed to say to someone. It is one of those nights, when I kept waking up with inspirations about things to write about, edits to be made on writing projects, and insights about life in general. So rather, then keep making notes to myself and going back to sleep, I decided to wake up, go to the bathroom, and write some of them out while they were fresh in my mind. So here I am sitting at my computer when it is not even 4 am because I kept dreaming about a scene in a movie I saw years ago with Robin Williams called Good Will Hunting.
There is this awesome scene in the film where he is talking to Will about missing his wife who passed away years ago. He tells this story about how in the middle of the night she would release these cannonball like farts that were so loud they would wake her up and she would look at him as if he was the one who had farted. It was her farts, these was I imagine were quite loud and explosive farts, that he missed. Oh, the things we come to treasure in our relationships with people.
For me, it is the sound of snoring that I miss when Zoe is gone. Last year she went to visit her aunt for a week and while there were a number of things I missed while she was gone, it was the sound of her snoring at night which I missed the most. Maybe that is because during the day there are things to fill your life and to distract you from what you are missing. But at night, in the stillness of the night, when there is nothing to distract you from being present, there are those sounds that you miss and for me it is Zoe’s snoring. Crazy, right. Sometimes, I wake up and lie there and just listen to her snore. It is kind of comforting. It is a reminder of how blessed I am to get to share another moment with her.
We had a houseguest for the last month and he moved back to the city this past week. On most mornings, he would get up around 4 am and quietly get his day going before heading out to work. I would always wake up for a moment when I smelled the coffee brewing or heard the ice cubes coming out of the refrigerator and then I would go right back to sleep. Now that he is gone, I find myself waking up around 4 am expecting to hear the sound of ice cubes coming out of the frig or smell the coffee brewing in the pot. When I don’t hear them I have to remind myself, he is no longer staying here and it is ok to go back to sleep.
Sometimes, I appreciate the sound of silence in the early mornings, like now, when the phone is not ringing and the computer is not saying you have mail. That span of time when the cats are still sleeping, worn out from an evening of running up and down the hallways. And yes, after we lost Merlin, Ralph, and Sam I missed that sound as well. Mr. Mittens and Dr. Wally have their own night music they play for us as they play their night games.
It is kind of strange how each of us has these sounds that remind people of us. For some, it is snoring, for others farting, Zoe would probably say it would be the sound of my wheelchair going up and down the hallway. Ok, so I know it is only 4:15 am, but why do I suddenly feel like singing, the sound of music. Maybe it is time for me to go back to bed and listen to the sounds of love and life that are filling my home right now and create some sounds of my own. The hills are alive with the sound of ________.