The other morning, I found myself hearing this song from my past, how do you heal a broken heart? As I listened to it, I came to realize that it has been a while since my heart had been broken, at least in a relationship. So I am sitting here glancing at my wife and partner in life of 11 years now and realizing just how blessed I am to have so much love in my life. I never thought I would find someone to share my life with who would love me unconditionally for who I am. I am so grateful the Universe found a way of bringing us together across the miles.
There have been however other situations in which my heart has been broken. The times when my heart has felt the most broken have come when I have experienced some form of injustice. Probably the most recent experience I had was about a year ago when RGRTA told me I was no longer in their service area. The injustice broke my heart. The injustice of being told that the service, which enabled me to be independent, was being taken away from me without warning was hurtful. As I began to think about this, I came to realize there have been other systemic injustices, which have hurt me deeply. Until last year, the inability to legally marry my wife was painful. Even now, I find it frustrating that we are married in New York and a few other states, but not anywhere in the country, unlike my married heterosexual friends.
In each situation, I have found a space of healing. Healing for me has always come when I spoke and lived in my truth, not somebody else’s. I have been sucking the venom of institutionalized discrimination and structural violence out of my mind and spirit. I envision these injustices biting me and placing pain and poison in my heart. I realized that if I did not remove it as soon as possible, it could infect my mind, body, and spirit. If I allowed it to go untreated long enough, it could kill me.
Sucking the venom out of me and cleansing myself of any infectious material has not always been easy. There have been times I have had to really look at how I had eaten the poison in some situations and internalized this poison without even realizing it. The longer it had been a part of what I believed, the harder it was to remove.
Along the way, I came to realize that the greatest medicine for curing this disease and removing the poisons was love. If I love myself, then I am not going to allow anything, which is not of love to abide in my mind, body, and spirit. The more powerful doses of love I have been able to give myself, the healthier I have found myself feeling. I have learned that self-love heals all wounds and prevents that wound from being reinfected.
Recently, I have discovered a pond of poisonous feelings, which I am in the process of draining out of my system. It has not been easy, it has meant I have had to identify, own, and surrender the negative emotions I had buried deep within me and then had buried under pounds of fat. Because I love myself, I am now digging those feelings up, saying good-bye to them and releasing them to the Infinite. Along the way, I am learning that love does indeed heal all things. So how am I healing my broken heart, by digging up that which has broken my heart, surrendering it and then purifying it with love.