"Wow! What a Ride!”

February 24, 2024 Sharon Jacobson

"Wow! What a Ride!”

"Wow! What a Ride!”
those were the words of a desperate southern gentleman
about his life.
Every time I read his words
Hunter Thompson reminds me how I want to live my life.
His words remind me that I want to feel as if I just slid in
to home plate going wahoo.
I am reminded that life is like a roller coaster.
There are those times I am going higher then I am comfortable
and the times I am sliding, sometimes plummeting down
traveling solely in faith.
Faith knowing that one that bought me to the highest of highs
is the one that will bring me through the lowest of lows.
I cannot appreciate the highs without the lows.
It is this constant journey which guarantees me
as Hunter explained,
I will not be “arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.”
Rather, I will be skidding in “broadside in a cloud of smoke,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out,
and loudly proclaiming
"Wow! What a Ride!”

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My Transformation

September 22, 2023 Sharon Jacobson

My Transformation

I know this may sound crass,
but if I do not ask for your help,
do not help me.
Encourage me,
believe in me,
be present,
but let me blossom and transform
on my own.
I am like a butterfly
in a cocoon at some stages of my journey.
If you try to help a butterfly out
before it is strong enough to break free
on its own,
you can kill it.
What I am going through
may seem challenging and hard
and it probably is,
but I have to go through it
to become strong enough
that I can spread my wings and fly.
We have to let each other
go through and transform
no matter how hard it is to watch.

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I don't Know

August 25, 2023 Sharon Jacobson

I Don’t Know

There is nothing wrong with saying,
I don’t know.
There is so much I do not know.
I am not sure there is anything
I know everything about.
It's ok to say
I don’t know.
it gives us permission
to grow,
learn,
evolve and
encourage others to do the same
I don’t know
doesn’t mean I will never know.
It just means I do not know at this moment,
but I will go learn
and then I will share that information with you.
Then WE will know
and we will have grown together
That is one of the best parts of this life,
learning and growing and together going from
I don’t know
to we know.

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Spud Lessons

April 7, 2023 Sharon Jacobson

Spud Lessons

I was going through a bag of potatoes
when I heard my father’s voice
asking me if I remembered how to clean them.
I knew better then to say of course,
because I knew he was there to teach me a lesson,
or at least remind me of one.
I remember the day he taught me
how to clean potatoes.
He used to hate cleaning potatoes,
during the Korean war.
One at a time, he would clean them,
whenever he was on kitchen duty,
which seemed quite often.
His coming back to me was to remind me about
community.
I could be like he used to be,
cleaning them one at a time,
or I could put them all in a tub of some type
and create a washing machine kind of movement,
where the potatoes rubbed against each other,
connecting to,
interacting with,
and cleansing each other.
The potatoes were not cleansed one at a time,
they were transformed as a community.
Perhaps we all need to get in the tub together,
connect,
interact,
and help each other
grow, evolve and become more
then we can alone.

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Mercy

February 18, 2022 Sharon Jacobson

Mercy

As I look back,
I find myself giving thanks
for the people in my life
who have been like
heat sinking missiles
landing on and exploding
my most sensitive of areas.
Their presence has saved
me time and money in therapy,
as they have drawn my attention
to the areas
in need of the most healing.
I show them mercy
as I know others have shown me
when I have been
the heat sinking missile
in their life.
it is not that I want
these experiences in my life,
but that I need them.
They are the impetus for my growth,
my humility,
my reminder to be merciful
and to receive the mercy of others.

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Room for Improvement

May 1, 2020 Sharon Jacobson

No one knows me
the way the Ultimate knows me.
I would like to say
I know myself well,
but I don’t.

The Ultimate creates opportunities
for me to learn about me
in ways I may not always like.
I get to see that which I appreciate
and that which needs improvement.

I have friends who think
they know me, but in all honesty
they only know what they have been
allowed to see or experience.
They only see what I allow them to see,
or experience,
and the person I allow them to
get to know.

However, in my relationship
with the Ultimate I get to say
love me,
mold me,
transform me
and make me better
than I or anyone else
will ever know.

Help me become who
you created me to be.
Help me to become a
reflection of your love,
wisdom,
grace,
mercy,
compassion,
and all
you wish me to be.

I know there will always
b e room for improvement,
but for today I ask you
to help me grow,
and become a better me
then I was yesterday
and that tomorrow
you will bless me in the same manner
always creating
room for improvement
in my life.

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Liberation

November 22, 2019 Sharon Jacobson

A Tibetan meditation master once prayed
“All those I fly over,
may they all be liberated.”
It is comforting to know
that at some point,
he prayed for me.

What if we did the same.
What if we prayed for those
to the east of us,
to the west,
to the north, and
to the south of us?

What if we prayed for all in
and on the earth,
that which is in the air,
temporarily or permanently,
that which is in the water
and or fire?
What if we remembered to pray
for the liberation of
all things,
places,
and people?
How much different
would the world be?

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Let it Go

August 4, 2018 Sharon Jacobson

Leave
Embrace
Travel

Internal
Transformation

Guidance
Oneness

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Affirmation Time

June 30, 2017 Sharon Jacobson

I have now spent a month reading and thinking about transformation and it seems like there are a few areas I need to continue to work on transforming in my own heart and brain. One is how I define success. There are days that I know I am successful because I am clear I am doing what I am supposed to be doing in and with my life. Then there are those moments when Zoe has to pull my head out of my ass because I feel like a failure.

Those moments seem to come when I start to evaluate my life based on the ideals of others and when I have not been giving myself my daily affirmations. I have to be intentional everyday about affirming myself. I cannot depend on anyone else to give me those affirmations. Being self-affirming has to be intentional and some days I fall back in those old habits of beating myself up instead of building myself up. Sometimes I fall, but then I get back up again and affirm myself for being able to do so.

Try

June 9, 2017 Sharon Jacobson

Thanks for the slap upside the head. I was listening to Mandy Harvey sing on America’s Got Talent. Her story about losing her hearing and how it erased her dream of being a musician. She sang this song called Try. Her lyrics really spoke to me and the changes in my life due to my back and nerve damage. She wrote, “I don't feel the way I used to The sky is grey much more than it is blue But I know one day I'll get through.” When I lost the feeling on my right side I did not feel the way I used to, literally. I did not know how I was going to learn how to do things when I did not know where my foot was and had to learn how to think my leg into moving. There were days that I was grieving the loss of my independence. I grieved not being able to drive anymore. I grieved There were mornings I would be so frustrated and cry because I could not even put my sock or shoe on by myself. On those especially tough days I would tell myself I will get through.

Just when I thought things could not get worse, they eliminated my paratransit services, which made it possible for me to go out, have fun, and hang with friends. That bought about one more loss and one more thing to grieve. There were days that the sky was grey, so I found myself being intentional about doing things in my life to keep myself positive and making my home such an amazing place to be that nobody who came here, including myself, would want to leave. I knew this would either be my prison cell or an ashram, so I opted to transform it into an ashram.

Success

June 3, 2017 Sharon Jacobson

It is funny how sometimes it is a comment from a total stranger that opens up a wound we thought had been healed and provides us an opportunity to take our healing to the next level. I am so grateful for those opportunities which inspire me to continue to grow and evolve.

For the most part I am a fairly positive person and remember to affirm myself on a daily basis. However, sometimes I fall off my Four Agreements wagon and take something personally. Then I have to do the work of remembering to not take something personally because it is not about me.

One of the struggles that I work on is remembering that I am not a failure, even if by other people’s standards I am. I am grateful for the days I remember to affirm myself as I know I cannot depend on anyone other than myself to believe in me.

No more stones

November 7, 2014 Sharon Jacobson

So today is November 7th. It is hard for me to believe that in some respects I turned 7 days old today. It is hard to believe that on November 1, I almost died because both my kidneys became obstructed at the same time and I could not pee. When I think back to last Saturday, it seems so surreal. I still remember the emergency room doctor coming in and telling me I was in acute renal failure and my creatinine levels were 10.77, far above what those who need to be on dialysis have. I remember thinking how did this happen? How did I go from having no kidney problems, to being in acute failure over night? The reality is that I will never know what caused both my kidneys to become obstructed at once, preventing me from being able to pee. What I do know is this. You ensured that all my needs were met. You sent me to the emergency room when I needed to and surrounded me with people who were able to save my life and restore my ability to pee. Two days later, my creatinine level was back down to normal and in some respects it was easy for me to think this was all a dream, but I know it was not.

I am successful.

November 16, 2013 Sharon Jacobson

I woke up in the middle of the night last night feeling unsuccessful. I know that is a lie, so I had to begin the work of figuring out why that thought resurfaces so that I could pull it up by its roots and eliminate it. I came to realize that it has nothing to do with anyone else, it is all about me, and how I have defined success. If one were to look at my resume or CV, one might perceive me as successful. I have won national and international awards for my scholarship; I have a bachelor's degree, two master’s degrees, and a doctorate. I have a number of small businesses that I operate and teach part time at a local university. I have two furry feline sons, a wife of 12 years who loves me unconditionally, and a circle of friends who have journeyed with me through good times and bad.

Building my home

August 19, 2013 Sharon Jacobson

“and half of learning to play is learning what not to play
and she's learning the spaces she leaves have their own things to say
and she's trying to sing just enough so that the air around her moves
and make music like mercy that gives what it is and has nothing to prove

she crawls out on a limb and begins to build her home
and it's enough just to look around and to know that she's not alone

up up up up up up up points the spire of the steeple
but god's work isn't done by god
it's done by people”

Released from Fear

April 21, 2013 Sharon Jacobson

The other day I was going through some of my old poetry and found a poem I had written years ago, actually more like decades ago. I called it Afraid. I am not sure why it spoke to me. Perhaps it is because a friend asked me the other day what I am afraid of. So that question amongst others is what I have been meditating about this week. Sometimes I wish my brain would not be so deep and reflective, but that is how I am choosing to be at this time in my journey.

No Sale!

August 4, 2012 Sharon Jacobson

There are nights I wake up to one of those infomercials trying to sell you something I do not need. If I am smart and realize they are not the solution to my problem, I turn off the television and roll back over and go back to sleep. However, I know there are people and times in my own life when that was not always true. There were times that I wondered if that machine, that diet plan, that whatever was going to be the solution to my problems. I used to think that about people as well.

These are my vows to me.

February 25, 2012 Sharon Jacobson

For the last few weeks, I have been spending quite a bit of time reflecting on the agreements I have made about perfection. It has not always been easy, but it has enabled me to release some things I did not know were still part of my agreements. It also enabled me to see how much I have grown, how much I have already discarded, and what I still need to work on. What I had come to realize is that this image of perfection sets me and everyone else up for failure. Once we are domesticated then we are not perfect for others or ourselves. Nobody is perfect in our eyes and we are not even perfect in our own. As I came to think through this, I came to a new understanding of what perfection is for me and that is love.

No more documentaries

February 3, 2012 Sharon Jacobson

Trying to undo all these years of internalized negativity and oppression is not always easy. I have clearly made progress in my pursuit of living the four agreements. I have made significant progress in terms of never saying anything negative about others. It seems like that was the easy part, although there are a few times when a student will say something, which I allow to get on my nerves for a moment. Then I have to stop and ask myself “why are you taking this personally, this is not about you?” This just happened to me recently and as I worked through it, I realized that I had internalized some fear from a conversation with someone a few years ago. I had to release the fear so that I could let it go. The thing I am happiest about is that I have learned how to make these moments commercials and not allow them to become full-length documentaries that take over my day.

Week 9, Day 7 – Rewarding Yourself, The Grand Adventure

February 16, 2011 Sharon Jacobson

The goal for today was to plan this great adventure to some place we want to go and go there. my great adventure is to go ride the ferries in New York state. I love ferries. We were to write about what permits us or doesn’t permit us to have what we want right now. We were to write down what the world of our wealth is right now. She also suggested we right about how the state of your birth, the feelings of your future, and eh wanderings of today affect and show who you are. Write what you know about rebirth in living. Write what your soulful self wants you to know. So if I were really going to have this grand adventure, I would do one of two things.

Week 9, Day 6 – Rebirth

February 16, 2011 Sharon Jacobson

I have been thinking quite a bit about this whole notion of life, birth, and rebirth. Life for me is the entirely of my journey from birth to death. Birth is the moment I came into this world, until then and since then I was and am a work in process. For me, the time in between birth and death I am in a constant state of rebirth, whether it be conscious or unconscious. Every moment of every day there are countless cells in my being being regenerated, so physically at the end of the day I am not the same person I was when I woke up that morning and I am not the same person I was when I went to bed the night before. The same is true in every other aspect of my self, every movement that I make in my life consciously or unconsciously which takes me to that higher place of spiritual evolution is about my being reborn

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