When I was in seminary, I remember taking a class called Intro to Preaching with Dr. Gail Ricciuti. Gail is one of my favorite professors and now a dear friend. In the early weeks of this class, she laid out this multi step rigorous plan for writing a well-constructed sermon. I remember the first time I wrote a sermon using her steps, I was able to get through the first few steps, and then I had to lie down and take a nap. What I realized is that each time I woke up I had my sermon in my head. To this day, whether I am writing a sermon, which I rarely do any more, or writing a reflection, which I now do quite often, I follow the same steps that I followed back then; when in doubt take a nap. Unsure of what I was to write about this week, feeling tired, stiff, and whiny (sure sign I am tired or sick), I decided to lie down. The minute my head hit the pillow I was asleep. The next thing I remember was waking up, telling Zoë what she did today that made me feel loved, listening to her snore and hearing my friend Angel ask me a question “So do you love yourself now?”
There is a Christian scripture where Jesus is asking one of his disciples “do you love me?” it got me thinking, most faith traditions call us to love the Creator, to love one another, however, if we do not love ourselves, we are limited in our capacity to love others or to evolve in our understanding and experience of love.
As I was waking up, I found myself in one of those dialogues with myself.
Do I love me?
Yes, I love me.
Oh really?
Yes.
So what have you done today to make yourself feel loved?
Well, I took a nap tonight when I was tired.
Uh huh, what else.
Well, I stood up for myself with liftline this morning.
Uh huh, what else.
Well, I didn’t say anything bad about myself today.
That is a good thing.
And most of the time I was able to say back away from the refrigerator.
That is an improvement.
Do you love yourself?
Yes, I love me – why are you asking me this.
Because sometimes I think you forget how important it is for you to take care of you.
I remember, I have this new aspiration each day to push myself into new habits and leap out of old ones
Do you love yourself?
Yes I love me, I keep telling you that.
Then keep feeding that wolf of love in you. Do not give energy to the wolf of anger or fear. Feed this wolf in you, the wolf of love.
Ok.
Do you love yourself?
Are you ever going to stop asking me this question?
Maybe lol.
Funny.
So tell me why you love yourself?
Because I try to make everything I say and do in my life be about love. I have a beautiful spirit and a loving heart. I am warm, gentle, intelligent, compassionate, caring, and sensitive. I try to be there for others feeding them when they are hungry, giving them drink when they are thirsty, clothes when they are naked and caring for them when they are sick and while I do not go to the prisons, at least the physical ones, I do write to those who are and journey with those who are in spiritual ones.
You sound so serious. Do you ever laugh?
Yes. I could probably laugh more. Zoë makes me laugh. And sometimes I can get silly.
Do you know the Creator loves you?
Yes, I do.
Good.
I want you to know something.
Ok.
While you are working on transforming some of your habits, especially around food and your body, I want you to know the Creator loves you just as you are. Because you love yourself now and are working to transform the ways you think about food, it will come to be and the Creator is going to be with you every step of the way.
Thanks.
Do you love yourself?
Yes.
Then go to sleep. I know you are tired.
Thanks.
Night.
Shalom.