Week 1, Day 1 -- Wondering

The focus of these first seven days of writing are on the awareness of connections.  The exercises for day one of this week was to select one or all of the following and spend 10 minutes just writing whatever came to mind.

  1. use streaming to explore the experiences that held the seed of wondering for you.  write about how you felt as you opened to that sense of wonder and what this search could help heal for you.
  2. use streaming to explore what you  may be wondering about today.  Could spirit touch you?  How would this make changes in your life? write about the good, the difficult, the unknown.
  3. to whom do you feel connected.  Write down their names.  To what do you feel connected?  Write those down, too. Where don’t you feel connected? Use the technique of streaming to wonder why these connections are felt or not felt?


What was really interesting for me was that after I typed up these directions, I needed to step away from the computer. My brain seemed to be focused on this logical way of thinking.  It seemed as if typing these concrete directions made me feel less connected to what was really going on inside of me.  I found myself feeling as if I should be sitting here writing some sort of academic essay.  Answer the questions please.  I have always hated trying to write for others.  it seems as if takes away the freedom and the connection to self and others.  it becomes a job, rather then a form of self-expression.  Probably the one thing I wonder about the most these days is why I allowed others to neglect, reject and abuse me.  I am pretty clear on why I stopped the abuse, but sometimes I wonder why I even allowed them to do it in the first place.  why did I choose to believe the criticisms and negativity of others.  why did I stop believing I was worthy?  Why did I stop believing in my own gifts?  In my own intelligence?  Why did I stop believing that I was worthy of being loved?  While I wonder about why I chose to allow these things to happen, there is one thing I do not wonder about.  I do not wonder whether or not the Creator loves me.  this i know is true.  I may wonder about how beauty is created?  What makes things beautiful?  What makes each snowflake so individualistic?  I may wonder about why my parents left me in the care of the Creator?  I may wonder about my foster parents and what parts of my personality come from them?  I might wonder about my parents and if they are at peace now that they are together again in the after life.  I may wonder about a lot of things, but one thing I know is that the Creator loves me.  I know I was created in the image of love.  I know that I was not abandoned, I was left with the Creator who has never abandoned or forsaken me.  there are a lot of things I wonder about from my past, but there are those things that I just know.  I know them with every cell and fiber of my being.  I know my Creator loves me.  I know that on the day I was born the Creator looked at me and smiled and welcomed me into this world.  I know that when I was feeling as if I could not go on, the Creator helped me to tap into the internal courage to shake off the negativity.  The Creator has taken so many spiritual showers with me over the years, scrubbing off the toxins and mud and dirt that has come on me from the external and washing me with tender loving care with a scrub of grace and mercy and love and wisdom.  There is so much that I do not know and perhaps I will never know the answer to that which I wonder about.  what I do know is this.  I was created in the image of love. I am love and I was created to love.  that is my purpose in love.  my purpose in life is to create monuments of love and justice through everything I say and every thing I do.