Dear God,
I have been sitting here the last few days thinking about a question somebody asked me about what my spiritual rituals are like. What do I do to stay connected, focused, and balanced? As I have been thinking about this, I realized there were multiple ways for me to answer this question. On the one hand, you are one of the first things I think about every morning. I get up, go to the bathroom, and come to the computer, think about our theme for the month and post a thought to give others and myself something to think about. Then I open my gratitude journal and write down five things I am grateful for in my life. Most days I also try to write down why I also appreciate that which I just gave thanks for in my life. Then I write one thing that is inspiring me each day. Finally, I think about what I want to manifest in my life that day. That is one way for me to talk about what I do to stay connected with you.
However, that is more about what I do, and while it is a part of what keeps me feeling like I am in your presence, there is so much more to it than that. I am not sure I can even begin to describe what keeps that feeling in my life. As I sat here and thought about it, I realized that I have been in this state for so long that I had forgotten it was not always the case. It was my Bubby who first taught me how to be still and listen for you in the quiet on our Bubby walks. However, I know that you were with me since the moment I was born and fought for my life. You could have taken me back to you in the first few moments of my existence, but you did not. Here I sit 58 years later and continue to be humbled by all you have done in my life.
I can remember the first time I realized that not everyone has the gift of being able to see your presence in their lives. I was talking with a friend of mine and he talked about how jealous he was that I could see your presence so clearly in my life. It was one of those things I thought everyone could do. It surprised me that others could not see your presence as clearly as I could.
Then I went through a period where I felt myself leaving your side as I tried to be what others wanted me to be and not what you were calling me to be. When I left that situation, I could literally feel you picking me up and bringing me back to heal and bask in the warmth of your unconditional love. It was then that I realized just how unconditional your love for me has always been. I thought about all the times I had tried to control my life. You would give me just so much space to make my choices, but then gently guide me back to you. I never felt like you abandoned me. Rather, I have always felt your presence guiding me through these challenging times. It is like the video of the elephants that help guide the young elephant who fell.
So what keeps me close to you? I think of you all the time, talk to you in good times and bad. I have conversations with you that I cannot have with anyone else. You are my confidant. Knowing you are there for me, whether I think I need you or not, definitely helps. However, the reality is that it is all of the things I have mentioned and more. It is my being intentional about giving thanks for all you have blessed me with that day. It is about taking in the world and seeing what you have placed before me, which inspires me. It is about the witness I am able to bear about all the things, which have become manifested in my life. It is about the witness others have shared in their stories, poetry, art, photography, music, and more, which waves me at me like an old friend. The day is filled with those moments of you waving at me through life, saying come sit with me my daughter and let’s just sit and be still and experience my being here with and for you.
Love you,
Sharon