Thank you for all you have been doing for me. I am not always as positive and grateful as I could be. There are days I let the fear of what almost happened during the last attempt to do a procedure on me color what might happen during this next attempt. Yes, I could have died, but I did not and for that I am grateful. Yes, putting me on the surgical table again is risky, but it is a different surgeon, a different hospital, a different team of specialists, and they have all the knowledge from what happened the last time
Yes, it is scary, but I have to remember Dr Broderick’s words that she would not put me on the table if she could not safely take me off the table alive. I have to remember that she will be able to see things because of the Ultrasound Dr who will be with her. They did not have that the last time. I have to trust her and know she is doing everything she can to find out what is growing inside me, remove it, treat it, and keep me safe.
I want to thank you for my friends who have created a safe place to talk about my feelings, to talk about what it has been like to have lived in limbo for the last year not knowing if I have uterine cancer or not. They have allowed me to have moments of fear, moments to talk about cancer, moments to talk about whatever I have been feeling and never tell me I do not have a right to be human. I am grateful for my safe spaces who validate my right to feel and then help me release anything negative and let it go. I am grateful they remind me to pray and sometimes offer to pray with me.
Thank you for my wife who loves me unconditionally. I have been working through some challenging times and feelings in my life lately and she is my rock. She has helped me to face fears that have been buried so deeply and are now just coming to the surface. She is helping me redefine success. She reminds me that even if I am fat I still need to eat food. She reminds me that even though I am poor, I still need new clothes. She reminds me that she is my wife, not a bill collector. One day I will be able to pay my share of the house repairs, but until then she is in a better space financially then me and that is ok.
Thank you for my time alone where I can just be silent and pray and thank you for all you do for me, through me, and through others. Thank you for my health care team. Thank you for all the rides you have provided so I can get where I need to go to stay healthy. Thank you for all that keeps me focused, centered, and balanced. I honestly do not have any other words to offer this week, but simply to say thank you