It’s parasite removal time.

For the longest time I have known the opposite of love is fear.  This fear is like a parasite, which lives within me.  It feeds on my insecurities and fears and creates these concerns all based in fear.  They are some parasites that make me worry about whether or not I am going to be accepted or rejected.  They make me worry about what might happen, what someone might say, what I might do.  One of the parasites, which I have been able to remove, is the one based on jealousy.  Why is it that human beings are the only ones that compare themselves to others, well at least that we know of.  I honestly doubt that my plants are talking to each other about who has more leaves or who got more water from me that day.  Yet, it is not uncommon for me to hear a human being; you know one of us evolved ones, comparing ourselves to another human being.  When we do, it seems as if we are more focused on what we have and they don’t or vice versa.  Rather then be happy with who we are, we focus on our lacks or someone else’s.  It has been a journey to get to that place; however, for the most part I think I have gotten rid of that parasite in my lie.  

Sometimes I wonder what I am even worried about.  Why do I worry?  I look at my cats and to be honest they do not seem to worry about anything.  When they want treats, they come and tell us it is treat time.  When they want to play, they play.  When they want to sleep, they sleep.  They never seem to be obsessing or worrying about anything.  So if my cats can lead a worrisome life, then what am I worried about.  I say all the time that I know the Creator will supply all my needs, so am I just saying that or do I know it to be true.  Is this one of those lies in my head that I say because I am supposed to say so, or is it something I truly know.  As I have been thinking about this today, I came to this understanding that I do know it; however, I cannot ever stop practicing the habits that have helped me to exist in a parasite free zone.

It dawned on me as I have been thinking about this that perhaps it is the challenges that Zoë and I are going through right now which has allowed the parasites to attempt to reinfest my soul.  Or perhaps, they have been there all the time and I am just now aware of their presence because the fear they are attached to has been activated.  No point in them coming into action until they were needed.  If I do not treat these parasites now and remove them then they can become stronger and stronger and that is not okay with me.

I rather enjoy living in a parasite free environment.  Unfortunately, for me, I cannot call Orkin or some other pest removal company to remove these parasites.  I have to do the work myself.  I have come to realize that the pesticide, which will remove these parasites from my life, is already within me.  It is called the truth.  It is the power that swells up within me when I speak my truth, when I speak from the wisdom within me, and when I speak what I know in the core of my being.  When I do this, when I stand in my truth, when I speak truth in love to my fear, then I starve my parasite and it weakens.  When I stand in the fear, then I am not honoring or acting out of love for myself.  So I have to pretend that I am the Orkin person here to terminate my internal parasites and soak them down with love.  I kind of like that image. 

Like tonight, I was having this craving for an ice cream cone from McDonald’s.  All of a sudden, I had this feeling as if I was having a conversation with this giant bug like in the Orkin commercial.  “You don’t really want to eat that ice cream.  You don’t need it.  You should stay on your diet.  It is not good for you.  You don’t need to waste $2 on junk food.  You could use that money in a more productive way.  What happened to not consuming prepackaged or processed foods?” I had this awareness I was feeling guilt, shame, selfishness, and probably a few other feelings.  “How dare I ask Zoë to drive me to McDonald’s so that I could have an ice cream cone?”  Then I called my Orkin personality out and went and had my ice cream cone.  Zoë was my back up team; she was the one who reminded me I had a right to have what I wanted, if I wanted it.  So tonight, I won the battle with the parasite.  However, this battle reminded me that they are not gone, they are lurking somewhere just waiting for me to be tired or feeling challenged to attack again.  Once again, I will have to remember that the way to weaken them is to spray them with love. 

The awesome thing is that I do not need to pay somebody else to remove my parasites; I can do it myself.  There is no contract, well at least not with anyone else.  And I can pull out my love spray anytime I notice a parasite trying to creep into my conscience.