There have been moments in my life when I wish I could wake up and be completely free from the Dream of the Planet. Moments when I did not have to work at being aware of what I was thinking and why and what I was working on hooking myself from in my life. The reality is that "The practice of awareness is a lifelong adventure.” [1]
Everywhere I go in my life, I encounter the Dream of the Planet, and it challenges me to maintain my awareness. Maybe that is one of the reasons I enjoy working at home, it limits the challenges I have to face being out in the world each day. I do not have to work as hard to navigate all the illusions that I encounter in life or the conditions placed on me by others.
Like most people, I do not live in the middle of nowhere in complete isolation from the rest of the world. I do not have the luxury of practicing awareness in solitude. While working at home may give me a bit more isolation, it does not give me complete isolation. Each day I have to interact with humanity, those I like, those I do not, and those I do not even know. I interact with a world, which constantly presents me with opportunities to be distracted, to be drawn into the past or into the future. I am constantly presented with the opportunities to be sucked into other people’s stories and become the character I think they want me to be. On those days when I am at home alone and by myself, I sadly find that my mind is still wanting to go on time travels and think about other things and I am having to work at staying in the present.
I used to beat myself up for this and then I realized that my self-judgment came because I had agreed that I would no longer lose my awareness. Revising my agreement, I remember I can lose my awareness for moments of time, with the understanding that it will be temporary and not permanent. I may fall back into habits of domestication; however, it will be a brief visit, not a permanent state of residency. I have come to understand that I may not live up to the expectations of others, so I strive to be the best me I can be. I may not live up to their standard of perfection, but I can do my best and remember it does not get any better than that.
What I am striving to remember on all days is that I am not only worthy of the love of others, but I am worthy of loving myself. I am worthy of not setting conditions on my love for myself. I am worthy of not expecting me to be something more then I am now. I am worthy of allowing myself to be the best me I can be at this very moment in time. I am perfect just as I am right now. What expectations do I have of myself now – hmm? One. I expect that I will be the best me I can be at any moment in time. Right now, my best is about me laying down and taking a Saturday afternoon siesta.