I woke up in the middle of the night last night feeling unsuccessful. I know that is a lie, so I had to begin the work of figuring out why that thought resurfaces so that I could pull it up by its roots and eliminate it. I came to realize that it has nothing to do with anyone else, it is all about me, and how I have defined success. If one were to look at my resume or CV, one might perceive me as successful. I have won national and international awards for my scholarship; I have a bachelor's degree, two master’s degrees, and a doctorate. I have a number of small businesses that I operate and teach part time at a local university. I have two furry feline sons, a wife of 12 years who loves me unconditionally, and a circle of friends who have journeyed with me through good times and bad.
The other side of that is that I have been underemployed since 1997 since finishing a one-year teaching appointment in Canada. Between my part time teaching position, my freelance writing and editing work, my spiritual partnership work, and groups that I offer I am barely making ends meet. I lost some of my independence a few years ago when I lost the ability to drive and then lost more of it about 4 years ago when I lost virtually all of my paratransit services due to the cancellation of bus service to our neighborhood.
That is when I realized how strong and powerful I really am. When I stopped and thought about all I have been through the last 8 years since injuring my back and even more so the last four since losing my paratransit services, I began to realize how successful I am. I began to think about all the people that I have met who have told me they are not sure they could stay as positive as I do under my circumstances.
What I also came to realize is that much of what I have done with my life began after I lost my paratransit services. That and going through the battle with cancer with Zoe forced me to take a leap of faith for myself. I began to think about what my core values were and what my mission and purpose in life is. Doing so inspired me to start Inspiritual. There are now readers in eight countries reading our blogs, so I know I am making a difference. Even though I do not make enough money off my blogs to support myself financially, I know it has been successful because it has forced me to stay positive, focused, inspired, and inspiring to others. Blogging has changed my life and kept me focused on my own path of spiritual growth and transformation and that is something that will be with me forever.
I know Inspiritual, my baby and passion in life, has not fully evolved yet. However, I can see it growing and evolving before my eyes. I invest a lot of time and energy into it but that is because I love doing this work. I also know that if I had not taken a chance on myself I would not be doing what I love in my life.
I have begun this amazing chain of events in my life, met amazing people, all because I stepped forward in faith and invested in myself and the vision I had been given. Since then I have been doing everything I can to breathe life into this vision. With each breath I take and each ounce of energy I invest in my vision, and myself I am succeeding in my own growth and in shifting the energy around me, which has an effect on others. Even if my bank account does not scream success, that does not mean I am not successful. I am successful because I am living my vision and passion in life. I am successful because I am taking risks in myself and investing in myself because I am so worthy. I am successful because I am surrounded by love, light, and positive energy. I am successful because I am still growing and evolving, so even if all this is for nobody but me, I am still a success.