Week 6, Day 5 – Using Day and Night Dreams

The choices for today were:

  1. Close your eyes and go back into a dream. Recount it. do the following dream sourcing exercise:
    Dream Sourcing
    1. Write down a dream.
    2. Choose the main feelings in the dream.
    3. Choose the main images.
    4. Decide in a sentence or two what the dream is about.
    5. Give the dream a title.
    6. Decide the question the dream asks.
    7. Do wise speaking dialogues with the main images/people of the dream.
    8. Ask each image/person for a gift.
    9. Tell the meaning of the dream. Or reverse the meaning of the dream.
  2. think of a recent dream and try using this coming together technique to help you decipher it:
    Coming Together
    1. Write down your dream.
    2. List the main players in the dream. They could be a neighbor, a car, an ice cream cone, a friend, your sister or brother.
    3. List the actions of the main players. For instance, the neighbor retreating from a cat’s hissing, a cat hissing.
    4. Write down how each of the main players is a part of you.
    5. Acknowledge all parts of yourself and using gazing into the waters, ask the dream what it wants you to know. You may want to then ask how your parts can work in harmony since they are all a part of you. You might, for example, decide the part of you that is afraid must learn from the hissing part how to defend you.
  3. What dream would you like to make happen? Ask the dream to join your life. Use clustering and streaming.

Well I can very clearly remember a dream that I had for several months. Actually, it was one of those dreams that you keep having and although it changed slightly, it would not go away. It lasted for about four months.

Write down a dream.

So here was my dream – I had this series of dreams that I was on the Next Foodnetwork Star. Don’t ask me who else was on it with me because I have no idea. What I do know was this that I miraculously seemed to make it to the final episode which was so cool because I was the first person to ever be on the show who used a wheelchair and because ultimately I won. I think in part it was because I had a clear culinary point of view the entire time – The Zenful Kitchen. The whole point of my show was to take the notion of being your own teacher, of being present, of being in a state of flow, of allowing your creative juices to flow, and of staying in a peaceful state the whole time you were cooking and using the kitchen as a space to relax and be at peace at the end of a hectic day.

Choose the main feelings in the dream.

The main feelings that ran across this series of dreams were excitement, surprise, peace, creativity, freedom, and love.

Choose the main images.

The main images – the kitchen, the food, the judges, and the ramps

Decide in a sentence or two what the dream is about.

At the end of the series of dreams when I won my own show, I decided it was about me making my idea for a show a blog, which I actually started a few days later.

Give the dream a title.

The Zenful Kitchen

Decide the question the dream asks.

Hmm. I never thought to ask myself this before. But I think the main question it asked me was to think about how I let my fears about accessibility keep me from achieving my dreams. But I also think it asks me what keeps me from letting my personality shine through.

Do wise speaking dialogues with the main images/people of the dream.

Judges:             So Sharon as you think back on your progress across this competition, why do you think you are still here?

Sharon: hmm, I think I am still here because I have a unique culinary point of view; well in part, that is why I am still here. I think another reason I am still here is because I have been able to prepare my food and tell my story. I have been able to bring my food to life by sharing with you my stories about food, my journey with food and my changing relationship with food. I also think I have worked hard to let my personality come through. One of my concerns in the beginning was that people would not be able to identify with me because of my weight and my disability, but then I realized that was about me. If I could not identify with myself and be confident in myself then viewers would not be able to do so either.

Judges:             How do you think you have grown the most?

Sharon: I think where I have grown the most is in my self-confidence. I think when I got here I was nervous about being able to do the challenges physically. But each week I showed myself and hopefully others that I was wrong. Being a person with a disability does not mean I cannot do the same quality of work in this field. I have had to work to move through my own self-doubts and insecurities and accept myself as a human being with star potential. It has not been easy, but I feel as if I have had this breakthrough the last few weeks.

Judges:             What do you still have to work on?

Sharon: I still have to work on my self-confidence. I have come a long way, but as I once heard, the way you get to Carnegie hall is practice, practice. Practice. I am going to keep believing in myself and stopping the negative thoughts as they come up. I have learned from my competitors that we are all works in progress. So I will keep working on my camera skills, my story telling skills, and my cooking skills.

Judges:             What do you think makes you unique?

Sharon: I think what makes me unique is that I am me. I don’t mean that to sound simplistic. I am me. I am a unique and precious individual. There is nobody else like me. Nobody has my exact stories, or my exact way of bringing flavors together. I think another thing that makes me unique is my willingness to try some unusual flavor combinations. Like my lox and cream cheese brownies. I am not sure many people would have thought about smoked salmon and brownie, but I thought that doing a lemon brownie with the smoked salmon cream cheese was a nice combination. And the caper cream cheese frosting took it to a different place as a savory desert.

Judges:             What was the hardest challenge for you?

Sharon: The meat challenges were the hardest as I have not cooked meat in forever and do not really enjoy the taste of it, so having to cook and taste something I do not enjoy was hard, but I made it through.

Judges:             What do you think was your greatest strength during this competition?

Sharon: Listening to the food. Taking a few minutes with the food and letting it talk to me about what to do. Taking the time to stay centered and stays calm. Even when everybody else around me was going crazy, staying calm and knowing it was all going to get done.

Food:   I have a question for you

Sharon: Ok

Food:   Why do you turn to me for comfort instead of dealing with your pain?

Sharon: You have always made me feel good and it was easier to eat you then to feel whatever it is I was feeling and press through.

Food:   So what are you going to do to have a different relationship with me?

Sharon: Remember you are not my drug. I have to think about what my intent is in using you. Is it to create something beautiful or am I eating you just to eat you because it is easier then dealing with what I am feeling at the moment. Am I eating you out of love or out of fear? What side of my personality is in the kitchen at the moment? Is it love or fear? Who am I really feeding? I need a sign on my kitchen that says only love can enter. And I think facing my fears and looking at how I and why I have used food as a drug.

Food:   Ok, so I am going to get personal here.

Sharon: Ok

Food:   have you used me to keep people away?

Sharon: What do you mean?

Food:   I mean have you used me as a way of making yourself fat so nobody else would come close to you? If you made yourself “unattractive” then maybe nobody else would try to hurt you sexually. So if you stay fat, then you stay safe.

Sharon: Yes. In part. But at the same time, I want to be attractive and I want people to see how beautiful I am.

Food:   So are you ready to begin the journey back to being a thinner you, a healthier you.

Sharon: Yes.

Food:   Are you ready to press through the fears and face your stuff and not use me in a destructive way.

Sharon: Yes.

Food:   What are you feeling right now?

Sharon: Scared. I know I can do this, but I am scared.

Food:   Ok, so what are you going to do to press through the fear?

Encourage myself. Affirm myself. Keep pressing through and not feed the fear. Encircle myself with people who love and support me.

Food:   Can I tell you something?

Sharon: Yes.

Food:   You are beautiful and each day that you come to know this and believe this more inside yourself, the more obvious it will become to others. Others already see how beautiful you are. You need to spend more time believing in it yourself.

Sharon: Yes.

Food:   People listen to you and hear the beauty, love, and wisdom in your stories and your words. You still think what makes you beautiful are what is on the outside. What makes you beautiful is on the inside and it already shows. Now you are saying you want your outside to reflect how you feel and where you are at on the inside. So my question to you is are you ready for your own journey?

Sharon: Yes.

Ask each image/person for a gift.

What I would ask from the kitchen is the gift of wisdom, help me to know how to use you to become the best me I can be and not use you as a place to medicate and seek comfort.

What I would ask from the food is the gift of love, that I might see, use, and internalizes food as a way of living and fortifying my life, not a way of keeping myself unhealthy and as a drug to medicate my hurts.

What I would ask from the judges is ongoing love, support, and constructive criticism as I continue to grow as my own food network star.

What I would ask from the ramps is the gift of freedom. May you always be the one who allows me to go wherever I want to/need to go and inspire others?

Tell the meaning of the dream. Or reverse the meaning of the dream.

So I think that this dream was more then me just starting a new blog, it was about me starting a whole new relationship with myself, with my past and with my future. A place where I am teaching myself how to be and eat healthier, but also a place where I work on making myself look as beautiful on the outside as I feel on the inside.