How God Feels

The shame, the silence, the pain
God has felt this too

I was shamed for my enthusiasm
I was silenced and not given space
I have been told I was too kind
I was not given room to explain
God has felt this too.

I have been told I was not welcome
I was told I was too enthusiastic
I have been told I do not fit in
I have been told I am not relevant
God has felt this too

I have felt the pain, experienced the humiliation, felt the denial
God has felt this too.

I have felt the love, I have felt the joy, I have felt the companionship
God has felt this too.

I have been validated for my feelings
I have felt appreciated by others
I have known what it is like to be told thank you
I have felt the warmth of someone’s hand
God has felt this too

What I appreciate about my life
Is that everything I have felt
God has felt this too.


Can the eye see itself?

I read this quote recently by Janet Jiryu Abels that said, “You can’t face yourself or turn away from yourself because you’re it. What do you need to understand? Can the eye see itself?” So today, I just need to sit with that because I am it. I guess it is as I wrote about the other day; I have to be at peace with what I do understand and what I don’t. As don Miguel Ruiz say, “it is what it is.” We are not to make any more or less of it then it is. I am who I am. I am exactly who I am supposed to be at this very moment in time. I am it. 

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Is this my Prison or Ashram?

Have you ever thought about what the single worst thing which could happen in your life could be? if you had asked me a year ago, I would have told you I was fighting for my independence. It was a year ago this month that RGRTA moved from regular service to supplemental service, which means you virtually have no service. in real terms, it meant I could no longer leave my house by myself to go anywhere other then for a roll around the block. Every once in a while I have been fortunate enough to get a ride, but those are more of a rarity and not something I can ever count on.
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Week 6, Day 5 – Using Day and Night Dreams

Well I can very clearly remember a dream that I had for several months. Actually, it was one of those dreams that you keep having and although it changed slightly, it would not go away. It lasted for about four months. Write down a dream. So here was my dream – I had this series of dreams that I was on the Next Foodnetwork Star. Don’t ask me who else was on it with me because I have no idea. What I do know was this that I miraculously seemed to make it to the final episode which was so cool because I was the first person to ever be on the show who used a wheelchair and because ultimately I won. I think in part it was because I had a clear culinary point of view the entire time – The Zenful Kitchen. The whole point of my show was to take the notion of being your own teacher, of being present, of being in a state of flow, of allowing your creative juices to flow, and of staying in a peaceful state the whole time you were cooking and using the kitchen as a space to relax and be at peace at the end of a hectic day. Choose the main feelings in the dream.
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Week 1, Day 6 – Grace

Here I am at towards the end of this first week and loving that I am taking the time in the midst of grading papers to take care of me. as I sat down to read Janelle’s reflection on grace, I found myself giggling like this little school girl because she talked about sitting at a church that I had once visited, MCC San Francisco, and the pastor there was in charge of education for the denomination when I was considering being ordained through MCC. What a small world this truly is. It is moments like this, when I become aware of how interconnected we truly are. How, even when we do not know it or realize it, the Creator has this way of bringing us all together at just the right time. And some folk do not think the Creator has a sense of humor. Ok, so I was giggling until I got to the choices and I realized I do not have a book of poetry
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