What would it be like to live in a judgment free world? I have been thinking about this question for several days now. While I would like to say I am not a judgmental person that would be a lie. I am probably less judgmental of others then I am of myself. I have come to realize that every time I judge myself, I am also lying to myself. I am telling myself I am too much or not enough of something. There are aspects of my life I have been able to stop lying to myself about. the ability to do so, has taken time as my inner jaguar has carefully stalked that prey, ripped it out of my mind and then dug deep until the root system, which was supporting the lie was ripped out as well. With some aspects of my life I have been relentless; others I have not yet chosen to make a priority.
What I have come to realize is that those things, which my inner jaguar is stalking, are only there because I allowed them come live in my mind and I have allowed them to stay. As Osho once wrote, “You don't have any problems; only this much has to be understood. This very moment you can drop all problems, because they are your creations. Have another look at your problems: the deeper you look, the smaller they will appear. Go on looking at them and by and by they will start disappearing. Go on gazing and suddenly you will find there is emptiness -- a beautiful emptiness surrounds you. Nothing to do, nothing to be, because you are already that.” [1]
Learning to stop being judgmental has meant claiming the courage of Atreyu from The Never Ending Story, one of my favorite movies, and looking into the mirror of truth, facing everything which is not true, not of the Infinite, not of love in my life. Looking in this mirror of truth is not always easy and there have been times when I have gone running in the opposite direction because I was seeing things I did not want to see or was not ready to own. Over time, I have become stronger and more courageous. Now, I keep looking back in the mirror. As I see something I do not like, my inner jaguar stalks it, captures it and then gives me the strength to go back and unearth where it came from so I can dispose of it for the last time.
In the movie, Atreyu only has to look in the mirror once to face all the lies, but my life is a reality, not a movie. Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness facing the lies he had constructed or internalized. It is taking me longer then 40 days, to stalk, capture, and dismember all the lies. However, I am doing the best I can and working at a pace that feels safe and comfortable for me. While in theory I would like to do all this work over night, I am mindful that doing so would not be realistic or healthy for me. In the meantime, I am patient, loving, and kind with myself as I work through the lies and dismantle the events, which allowed them to be. I hope that over time, there will be less to stalk and my inner jaguar will be content to roam the woods capturing any new prey that tries to wander into my consciousness before it even has a chance to settle in.
[1] http://www.buddhasangha.com/oshoquotes/osho_quotes_on_emptiness.htm#sthash.FlrfmWYt.dpuf