When I was in seminary, I took a course on advocacy and organizing. One of the questions we were asked to think about was what we felt was the most pressing social issue in contemporary society. Then and now, it is hard for me to pick just one, as there are so many issues that seem important for different reasons. I could talk about the global exploitation of people in developing countries or the trafficking of women as sexual slaves and prostitutes or violence against women or poverty or hate crimes or systemic injustice. My list of issues has grown over the last over the last 10 years. Trying to pick one over the other makes me feel as if I am saying one issue is more pressing than the other, as if I am trying to prioritize them. This is hard for me to do because I think they are all important for different reasons and to different groups of people. At the root of all these issues is a common thread which contributed to their existence. Ultimately, I have come to realize that the most pressing social issue in contemporary society is our inhumanity for and towards each other.
Read moreRecently, a fellow blogger, Ariffa, nominated me for The Versatile Blogger award. It was not like it was one of those big deal awards. It was one of those ways of getting to know other bloggers and to allow other bloggers to get to know you. It was a simple process. You had to list fifteen bloggers that you follow with links to their websites (that was the easier part for me). Then you had to list seven things about you that were interesting. This is where I found myself being stuck. I realized as I stared at this blank screen that I did not think I, or my life, was interesting. The two things I wrote down were not things that I found interesting or thought other people would find interesting, but maybe different or unique. That was that I had six parents (birth, foster, and adoptive) and that I used to say I was part Vulcan as my left ear has a slight point to it. Neither of which seems to fit the definition of interesting, or so I thought. According to the dictionary interesting means, “arousing curiosity or interest; holding or catching the attention.” The only thing I could think of is that sometimes I am able to arouse the curiosity and interest of my students through the material I share with them in the classroom.
Read moreGod has a
real sense of humor. A few weeks ago, I talked about being released from fear. All
I can say is that it was true for the moment. Since then I have had to face
waves of fear that have risen from inside me. I had to look in what I call the
mirror of truth and see through the fears, which have come rising to the
surface. Sometimes it has felt like they were going, “so you thought we were
gone, guess again. We’re back.” First, I had to work through my fears of
anybody doing a healing on me. I had to face the fear that is within me related
to “healings.” There was this immense power and clarity that came as I moved
through that fear. The healing I had a few weeks ago, was healing and
liberating. The other night the same person did another healing session on me
and she said the energy was flowing more evenly. Hearing that news was not
surprising, after all the first time my body was filled with fear about what
might happen, what could happen, how I might respond.God has a
real sense of humor. A few weeks ago, I talked about being released from fear. All
I can say is that it was true for the moment. Since then I have had to face
waves of fear that have risen from inside me. I had to look in what I call the
mirror of truth and see through the fears, which have come rising to the
surface. Sometimes it has felt like they were going, “so you thought we were
gone, guess again. We’re back.” First, I had to work through my fears of
anybody doing a healing on me. I had to face the fear that is within me related
to “healings.” There was this immense power and clarity that came as I moved
through that fear. The healing I had a few weeks ago, was healing and
liberating. The other night the same person did another healing session on me
and she said the energy was flowing more evenly. Hearing that news was not
surprising, after all the first time my body was filled with fear about what
might happen, what could happen, how I might respond.
Read moreWhat would it be like to live in a
judgment free world? I have been thinking about this question for several days
now. While I would like to say I am not a judgmental person that would be a
lie. I am probably less judgmental of others then I am of myself. I have come
to realize that every time I judge myself, I am also lying to myself. I am
telling myself I am too much or not enough of something. There are aspects of
my life I have been able to stop lying to myself about. the ability to do so,
has taken time as my inner jaguar has carefully stalked that prey, ripped it
out of my mind and then dug deep until the root system, which was supporting the
lie was ripped out as well. With some aspects of my life I have been relentless;
others I have not yet chosen to make a priority.
Read moreI was writing about courage this morning for our April
newsletter and I began to realize how courageous I really am. I remember that
season in my life all too clearly. It was about two years ago, July 2011, when
we received two pieces of life changing news. Zoe was diagnosed with breast
cancer and I was told that we were no longer in the service area for LiftLine,
all within a few days of each other. I knew that treatments existed that would
enable Zoe to battle the cancer and she has and she is still in remission and
for that I am grateful. Crazy as it may sound, while that shook our world, it
was the notion of not being able to leave my home and go to campus to teach,
meet with prospective clients, apply for jobs, go out with friends, or even go
to my doctor’s appointment or the grocery store, which made me face my greatest
fear. Here I was a fairly independent person with a disability and then with
one phone call I was told I had “limited” service. What that has meant is that
in the last two years of calling for reservations, I have gotten them twice.
Read moreI have been thinking quite a bit about fear lately. In part, because at the beginning of every semester, my students experience some fear as they enter my classroom, aka the world of Dr J. As I structure my classes in a very non-traditional way, they experience some discomfort and fear as they try to get used to my “uniqueness” and me. Some experience more then others. There have been some real fearful moments in my life, moments where I had real moments to be afraid. I remember one time when my son was having a flashback about his mother abusing him and he threatened to hit me over the head with a 2 x 4.
Read moreSince Zoë was diagnosed with breast cancer, I have strived to be as loving and supportive of her and this phase of her journey as I could. The day we got the news was the worst day. It was the day we felt our whole world and life change. I remember how one minute we were sitting in Starbucks dreaming about what we were going to do to the backyard next year waiting for my paratransit bus to arrive to take us home. Then the phone rang and the diagnosis came. At the same time, the bus arrived. While we only live a few miles from the store, it was the longest and quietest ride home. When we got home, we talked, cried, processed, and prayed. We made one commitment to each other that day that everything we said and did would be about keeping and maintaining a positive attitude in ourselves, our home, and our interactions with others.
Read moreWhere did the insecurities come from, not sure I know, not sure they just appeared over night, more like this gradual accumulation of internalized messages. It is kind of like that analogy I made once about a coffee cup. When we are born, we are like this brand new coffee cup, but the longer we have it the more we notice the stains and the little tiny cracks and chips and imperfections that gather over time. It is not that the cup went from one condition over night to another, it just happened and then when we begin to see or more appropriately own our stuff then we can begin to do something about it, or at least choose to do something about it.
I think for the longest time, I ate my feelings. I ate my words. I was scared to speak what I was feeling because of a fear of abandonment.
Read moreI think what is strong and good in my life is what sees me through most things. I think one of my strengths is my patience with me and others. I know that I and others am works in progress. I do not expect myself or others to be transformed over night. Nor do I expect others to be as committed to their evolution as I am. I tend to be positive. I allowed myself to get hurt pretty deeply and went through this time of intensive healing and transformation. Ever since I removed myself from the cave in which I had been living, thank you Aristotle, I have become increasingly used to living in the light.
It is an amazing thing that happens when you take the shackles off your soul and begin loving yourself and cleansing yourself of all the lies that you had internalized.
Read more
