Week 9, Day 7 – Rewarding Yourself, The Grand Adventure

The goal for today was to plan this great adventure to some place we want to go and go there.  my great adventure is to go ride the ferries in New York state. I love ferries. We were to write about what permits us or doesn’t permit us to have what we want right now. We were to write down what the world of our wealth is right now. She also suggested we right about how the state of your birth, the feelings of your future, and eh wanderings of today affect and show who you are. Write what you know about rebirth in living. Write what your soulful self wants you to know.

So if I were really going to have this grand adventure, I would do one of two things. I would go to Hawaii and visit a friend in Kauaii which is supposed to be, well at least according to Anna, the most spiritual and peaceful of the islands. My other fantasy adventure would be to be able to ride all the ferries in the country. I love ferries. Something just touches me when I am riding a ferry. I am not sure I can put it into words, but it is one of the single most spiritual experiences and it happens every time I ride a ferry no matter how big or small. It just happens and so I always get excited when I have a chance to ride a ferry. If I could do either of these today or even tomorrow I would.  But I have no money, and at least through mid may I am obligated to teach. I could teach and travel this summer as I will be teaching online, so after that would I would be so much freeer and zoe will have graduated. The larger barrier is transportation as we do not presently have a vehicle that is handicap accessible. So I could take my walker but I do not walk as far as I used to and until we have the funds to afford a hand controlled mini van or even rent one for the trip. I guess I could contact Stephanie, my case manager and at least do the driver rehabilitation training, if they would let me do it without a car, so that I could drive a hand controlled rental car. That I can do.

In some respects I have very little. I struggle financially each month just to make it through, especially with this last round of budget cuts which slashed our paychecks by 1/3. on the other hand, I am quite wealthy. I have a soulmate who loves me unconditionally and has stood by me through thick and thin. She knows me like no one else ever has. She can hear my voice and within a matter of words no what kind of day I have had and where I am at. she is the one who has stood by me through all my illnesses and injuries. We have been there for her each other though the death of three of our four parents, 9 of our babies (1 dog, 4 cats, a gerbil and 3 fish). I have this amazing circle of friends who love me unconditionally and remind me each day what a blessing it is to be loved. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and an abundance of healthy food in our refrigerator. And while I am not always crazy about liftline, I am grateful that I have the service at all. I cannot even begin to imagine what my life would be like without them.

I share custody of two of the sweetest cats in the world Wally and Mr Mittens who bring so much joy into our life. My son, Nick, and all the others who are part of my spiritual family bring so much love. light and positive energy into my life. sometimes I feel as if my life is like a bottomless treasure chest and I keep discovering new treasures I had not yet seen.

Life for me is like one great adventure. My life has been filled with moments when the Creator could have called me into the next world at any time. I almost died during childbirth, yet the Creator had something for me to accomplish during my time here. I did not know about this until decades later, but it helped me to understand why sometimes I feel as if I am gasping for air when I am talking about something emotionally intense. I have lost so many people in my life, my birth parents, foster parents, adoptive parents, godchildren, friends, lovers, and yet I survive. I have seen friends die from complications associated with HIV/AIDS, in car accidents, and hit by drunk drivers and yet I survive. In times when I was being beaten, raped, and threatened, I walked away unscathed. I cannot look back on my life and not give thanks and be grateful for all I have come through. I know that my work on this planet is not yet completed.

I know I have seen much in previous incarnations in this world. I know I have been in impoverished worlds and known what it is like to starve and I carry this craving for food and this passion to eradicate world hunger with me into this world. sometimes I feel as if I feel the sadness of the world in my spirit and I grieve the lack of compassion in the world. yet at the same time I am filled with this joy, peace, love and light that keeps growing brighter and making me feel lighter then the day before.

I know as far as I feel I have been on this journey, I have not even begun. There is so much more that I am yet to learn as I continue to transform myself and rebirth myself into the next evolution of who I am to be. I am like the phoenix who is ever rising over and over and over again.