These are my vows to me.

For the last few weeks, I have been spending quite a bit of time reflecting on the agreements I have made about perfection. It has not always been easy, but it has enabled me to release some things I did not know were still part of my agreements. It also enabled me to see how much I have grown, how much I have already discarded, and what I still need to work on. What I had come to realize is that this image of perfection sets me and everyone else up for failure. Once we are domesticated then we are not perfect for others or ourselves. Nobody is perfect in our eyes and we are not even perfect in our own. As I came to think through this, I came to a new understanding of what perfection is for me and that is love.
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Releasing Judgment

One of the lessons I remember learning growing up was how we should not judge others if we did not want others to judge us. For some reason, I found that hard to believe as I figured they were going to judge me anyway. Now, I realize that what others do is about them. My judging is about me. What got me thinking about this was something don Miguel Ruiz wrote in the Companion Guide to the Four Agreements. “We judge others according to our image of perfection as well, and naturally they fall short of our expectations.” It made me stop and think about what my image of perfection is for those in my life. What is my image of the perfect partner? For my children (that includes all those who have adopted me as their mom)? For my parents, when they were alive? For my closest friends? For my brothers? For my relatives?
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Simply about Perfection

Recently a client asked me if I worked as hard on my own spiritual evolution as they felt they were. I found my heart smiling. I had to giggle because for the last few weeks I have been grappling with a single word – perfection. Don Miguel Ruiz wrote, “Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves; it is why we don’t accept ourselves the way we are, and why we don’t accept others the way they are.” In his Companion Guide to the Four Agreements, he challenged me to think about what my image of perfection is. I could not begin to answer that question or any of the other questions he asked because I could not find the words to define perfection. There have been days when this single word made me wonder if I really wanted to grapple with it and was this challenge going to be enough to stop me in my journey.
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Week 3, Day 2 – Stopping the Internal Judge

I have been really sitting with these questions for a while, not sure where I wanted to start. But then life kind of answered that for me. I was going to waif for my friends to tell me who I am, but I had a challenging situation today. Well let me say I had a situation today that I allowed to become challenging. I got a letter from the local paratransit agency today informing me that my doctor had not answered one of the questions on the recertification forms, so tomorrow 12/31/2010 will be my last day of services until all the information is received and re-evaluated, which can take up to 3 weeks. Let me just say that my initial feeling was not happy happy joy joy. I couldn’t even get a paratransit ride to take me to the doctor’s office, who by the way is out for the holidays until Monday if I wanted to today. So grateful for my wife, who lovingly offered to take the forms up there and then advocated on my behalf when they started to point out all the information I had failed to give them. So what did I learn about myself today besides I have great taste in partnersJ. I do love my wife. I learned that I could express my anger in a loving and compassionate manner. I am not sure that I really learned anything new, but realized at a more conscious level how much I value my independence. There is a real difference for me between not leaving the house or using my services, and not being able to leave the house because I do not have services. I came to realize how much I enjoy going out and being in the world and knowing my home is a place I come back to and experience love. I learned that I could think clearly in the midst of crisis. I also learned that I could speak and act more out of love for myself and what I needed, then out of fear and frustration around the situation. I could tell that they wanted to come out and take control, but the love part of my personality kept them under control.
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