I have been thinking about this word for a few days now and while the academic part of my brain understands the word means to comprehend, my inner child keeps thinking about a time of sitting under my Bubby’s needlepoint. I remember it as if it was yesterday, but it was now probably 50 years ago, if not more. She was working on piece of needlepoint, sitting by her feet, and looking it up, all I could see was the underside with strings of yarn going all different places and many little knots. I remember wondering why she would want to create something so ugly, when we could be doing making something amazing like blowing bubbles that the light shone through and then floated up to heaven. Then she would have me climb up on her lap and look at her creation and it always looked so beautiful. I never saw any of the knots, strings, or anything else, which took away from its beauty. I could only see how it all came together to form one beautiful picture. It was at this young age, that my Bubby taught me that our understandings of the Ultimate Creator’s ways are not ours. The Ultimate sees things in one way and we see them in another. My Bubby taught me that we are standing under the Creator’s masterpiece and so we see things one way. However, there are moments in our life, when the Creator provides us with the opportunity to see the larger picture, just as my Bubby had helped me.
Read moreSee the Possibilities
The past few weeks, I have been reflecting quite a bit on forgiveness. In part, this came about because of a film we watched a few months ago called The Power of Forgiveness. One of the women in the film, Alexandra Asseily said in the film, “I think that if we all just remember that if we forgive ourselves, it’s a wonderful beginning to forgiveness. Because actually, if we really forgive ourselves for all the wickedness we think we have inside or all the things we think are wrong with ourselves, we would then be so much more compassionate with others. And I think probably it’s our lack of compassion with ourselves that makes us so upset with others.”
Forgiving ourselves is an opportunity to break the emotional ties to the pain and set ourselves free. It is an opportunity to release the pain, anger, and other emotions that have built up within us over time.
Read moreSet Yourself Free
If you had the opportunity to free yourself from an emotional, mental, spiritual, or physical jail would you? That may sound like a strange question, but it is one, which requires some reflection. Over the course of our lives, we experience things, which can create painful memories on various levels (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically). As long as we hold on to the pain of those memories, we create an energetic tie to the moment in which they occurred or the cumulative effect of painful memories over time.
As I have shared in previous reflections, I learned of some amazing people in this world who model forgiveness and its liberating affect in their lives, while watching a documentary called The Power of Forgiveness.
Read moreA Musical Trilogy
Back in March of this year, so not so long ago, I remember reflecting on an old Beatle song, Let It Be. Yesterday, I was reminded of the importance of those words one more time. I remembered that it is what it is, nothing more or nothing less. In this month, when we are focusing on forgiveness of self and others, I found myself having to practice what I teach. I learned that someone I trusted had failed to tell me they could no longer uphold their part of an agreement. I have to admit, my first reaction was “seriously, you are just now telling me this and you have known for months.” Then the emotional work on my side began as I realized that I was sitting in judgment of this person and the situation and the Beatle song began coming back to me, just let it be.
My conversation with this person had caused me to lose balance temporarily. That did not make either of us right or wrong, it was the Ultimate Creator’s way of helping me in my own journey and maintaining awareness of what the Ultimate Creator was doing for me in that moment. So I had to let it be!
Read moreForgiveness and Justice
A few weeks ago, our movie group gathered to watch the documentary, A Power of Forgiveness. One of the scenes in the documentary that stood out for me was about a psychology professor who specialized in forgiveness, marriage, and family. Dr Everett (“Ev”) Worthington’s experience with forgiveness is not just something he writes about, but something he practices in his daily life. In the documentary, it told the story of
In the late 1990’s, on a New Year’s Eve, someone broke into his mother’s house. An attempted theft turned into a brutal murder when his mother fought back. A suspect was captured who volunteered details no one could have known who was not at the scene. However, because of “some issues with the evidence,” a jury would not indict.
Read moreForgive Yourself
Forgiving others is one thing. Forgiving ourselves is another. It seems as if every day I become mindful of yet another piece of poison, as Don Miguel Ruiz would call them, that I somehow internalized as a child and have been living with for decades. The lies were all a part of my domestication to the planet. As we evolve and grow, we become mindful of those lies which we no longer agree to and which we must replace in our lives.
Removing them from our lives is one part of the process of healing and evolving. The other part is forgiving ourselves for internalizing them in the first place. Most of these lies, we may not have even realized were lies when we first internalized them. We just ate them because we were told they were good for us.
Read moreAccept and Seek
Growing up, I remember my Bubby (Yiddish for grandmother), reminding me that there was a lesson hidden in everything I felt. Her advice was to accept the feeling and seek out the gift. This was true regardless of whether it was sadness, happiness, or something in between. She taught me to understand and see what I was feeling within the broader context of life. This was a lesson she taught me a few ways. One day, when I was sad she gave me a pinch of salt to eat. I remember needing to rinse my mouth out with water, for what seemed like forever. I had tried to spit it out; however, she would not let me. Later, she took the same amount of salt, sprinkled it on a burger, and had me eat it. As part of the burger, it tasted amazing and seemed to make the burger taste better. This lesson reminded me that everything is part of something bigger then what it appears to be.
I call this “game” my Bubby taught me, accept and seek.
Read moreChanging Patterns
We all have ways of doing things in our life. Over time, they become patterns. For example, my family knows that my morning pattern once I wake up begins with my going to the bathroom, filling up my water glass, if it is not already filled from the night before, then doing my morning spiritual ritual – five things I am grateful, what is inspiring me, what my intention is for the day and taking a few minutes to reflect on the thought for the day. We all have patterns in our life.
Sometimes others become so accustomed to our patterns that out patterns become important to them as well. Some of the patterns in our life have been a part of our life for a long time; others are newly formed.
Read moreAccept Help
As I look around the world I see so many people in need, but unable to ask for help. I also have become aware that I have gone through phases in my life when I have had trouble asking for help. There seems to be two reasons people have a hard time accepting help. One is that they think it is going to make them look week or vulnerable. The other is the illusion that people who appear to be successful in what they do, never ask for help.
Asking for help does not make one appear weak. Asking for help creates an atmosphere of environment. Asking for help not only creates an opportunity for others to feel blessed, but for people to empower themselves.
Read moreEEHH and DDNN
It seems that today we live in a day of acronyms LOL, ROTFLMAO, TTYL, CYA, etc. Sometimes we become so accustomed to them that we assume everyone knows what they are, until they let us know that they don’t. For example, the other day someone asked me what cya stood for; she thought I was saying cover your ass and thought that was a strange way to end a conversation. I meant I will see you later. So today, I thought I would introduce two of the acronyms I use in my own life. The first is EEHH.
EEHH means empty, empty, happy, happy. I learned a meditation from either the movie or book Eat Pray Love. I am not sure I remember which one. However, I love that as a meditational mantra because it reminds to me empty myself of all of my attachments to people and things.
Read moreGoodness
https://reflectionsfromafriend.wordpress.com/2012/09/
This morning I realized that this is my last blog, at least for this year, on acknowledgement. I have reflected on acknowledging feelings, that we are works in progress, and our need to spend time with our Higher Power and ourselves. As I was writing in my gratitude journal, I realized that it was a space where I acknowledged the goodness in self, others, and the world.
Listening to the news, which I try not to do anymore, there is such a focus on creating an aura of fear, evil, corruption, and negativity. It is only when one turns to sources such as http://Upworthy.com or http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/ that one gains exposure to stories which inspire, create environments where people can empower themselves, and promote goodness in the world.
Read moreAlone
Someone I know once told me they would rather be in a relationship, which was abusive and miserable, then be alone. The other day someone told me how being alone was the scariest time in their life. Increasingly, I am encountering people who would rather be around people who they do not like, then be alone. So what has made being alone such a thing to be feared? The question I asked both of them was what is it that you see in yourself when you are alone that makes it feel better to be treated badly by someone else? What they both said was that it was not about them, but that they did not want to be alone. What I have come to realize over the course of my life is that until we can be alone with ourselves, we cannot be present with anyone else.
There is a difference between desiring someone to cuddle with at night. There is nothing wrong with wanting to share a meal or talk with someone over a glass of wine or cup of coffee. Part of who we are as human beings is the desire to commune with others, to communicate and seek companionship and camaraderie. However, it can be unhealthy to avoid the sacred nature of being alone because one is scared to spend time communing with one’s self.
Read moreWorks in Progress
I was once told relationships are not for punks. It took me a while to get at the meaning behind that, but what I have learned over the years is that being in an intimate relationship requires courage, strength, and a willingness to make one’s self vulnerable. By intimate, I am not just talking about physical intimacy, but emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy. That intimacy is developed over time. Intimacy comes when we open ourselves up personally and make ourselves and our lives vulnerable. Over time, your whole life becomes naked to them and to yourself. In an intimate relationship, we open ourselves and are opened by our partner to seeing the powerful and weaker parts of who we are. We also give our partners the permission to do the same. Over time we learn how to know when to stand our ground and when to compromise. We work with each other to become increasingly grounded in who we are and support each other in the journey. When I think about the two human beings in my life with whom I am the most intimate with one thing is true of both, the Ultimate Consciousness is involved in both and the truth is ever revealing itself as we journey together. We are never finished growing or evolving. We are works in progress.
Read moreAcknowledge your feelings!
How are you?
I’m fine.
This seems to be one of the most common conversations we have with people and the sad truth is there is generally no honesty in this conversation Most of the times we do not genuinely want to know how others are or what they are feeling and most of us are not “fine” all the time. What does fine feel like? Are we lying to ourselves and others when we deny what we are feeling? Is this yet another mask we wear to prevent others from getting to know us or to become vulnerable in a relationship? Are we afraid to be honest with others or ourselves about what we are really feeling? We cannot begin to heal within ourselves or in our relationships with others until the wounding stops. So if denying our feelings is wounding, then we are preventing ourselves from healing.
Read moreUnfinished Business
As I wrote about in my reflection for the April 2014 issue of One Spirit, Many Voices newsletter, “Acknowledgment can be used in two ways. One is the “acceptance of the truth or existence of something.” The other is the “action of expressing or displaying gratitude or appreciation for something.” Both are important in the healing process.” Sometimes what we need to acknowledge is what is unfinished in our lives.
When I think of stories of unfinished business, I am reminded of the story in John 5. This man had been sitting at the source of his healing for 38 years waiting for others to help him or to be able to get himself in the pool next. In John 5:7 he says “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; and while I am making my way, someone else steps down ahead of me.” this man has not looked the situation in the eye, he has not acknowledged what he has not done and so passively says it is somebody else’s fault that I am in this position.
Read moreWe are Tools
One of the things I have learned through my studies on Toltec wisdom is that the way we see ourselves is not the way other people perceive us. As don Miguel Ruiz teaches, when we write in our minds the story of our lives, we are the main characters, and others are the supporting actors and actresses. In their stories, we are written in as the supporting roles. How they construct our character in their story may or may not be the way we construct or perceive ourselves. Rarely, are we fully aware of how others perceive us. Even if they share their perceptions with us, they are limited by their ability to communicate their perceptions of us.
When people speak to us, it is a reflection of what they are saying as the character they have created in their minds. How we respond to what others have to say about us is about us. It is this self-awareness of how we respond which can become a tool in our own spiritual healing and growth. What others say to us are just lines from their story. They only have the power to affect us to the extent we allow them to do so.
Read moreAre you poisoning yourself?
About 3 years ago, I wrote a piece called No more poison!. In it, I reflected on something don Miguel Ruiz said in his book The Four Agreements. He wrote, “Taking things personally makes you prey for predators. They can hook your attention with one little opinion, and feed you whatever poison they want. Refuse to eat poison! When he put it in those words, “Refuse to eat poison!” I realized how logical that sounds. Most people would not voluntarily or consciously eat poison. Yet some of us eat and serve poison on a daily basis.
Any time we hold a resentment towards someone, we are poisoning ourselves. The longer we hold the resentment, the more poison we are ingesting. A steady ingestion of poison over time can lead to an early death. So, in actuality, when we do this we are not only poisoning ourselves, we are committing suicide. We are leading ourselves to a type of early death. Nelson Mandela once said, “Holding on to resentment is like taking a poison pill and waiting for the other person to die.” We are the ones who die when we hold on to resentment.
Read moreWhat is in your bucket?
This morning a colleague of mine, Kitty Wolfsong, and I were having a conversation about hearing and receiving messages. I shared with her a story that I had heard Louse Hay tell about how different people can tell the same story, and you will hear it differently from each person depending on how they tell it. She shared with me her story about the bucket theory. She shared, “we each put our drops in the bucket, and who knows what will be the drop that causes the bucket to overflow (with love).” Her story reminded me a fable another colleague of mine, Jack Stephens, told in his book Soul Self: Hot to tame your mind, uncover your blueprint, and live your soul purpose. So this week, I would like to share this fable as it is all about becoming aware of how we internalize other people’s beliefs and agree to them and how the process of releasing them begins with a single step in a different direction and some courage.
Read moreLet it be!
Yesterday was one of those days when I realized the importance of realizing that something is what it is, nothing more or nothing less. Sometimes we just need to let it be and not sit in judgment of it or a situation. I often talk about how so much of our suffering comes from others not meeting our expectations. Yesterday, I became aware that I had held on to an expectation for seven years that I did not even know I had. It was not until the expectation was not met that I realized I had been holding on to this expectation for years. The words I was given during my prayer last night was “let it be!”
Read moreWhat do you need to throw out?
Around our house, Wednesday night is the night we take out the trash. The little cans are emptied, the kitchen bag pulled and tied shut, and they all are thrown in our wheeling little dumpster. We also condense the recycle bins and bring them down to the curb as well. We have to do it at night because the trash men normally come before either of us up and moving.
Over the last few years, we have become increasingly focused on recycling and reusing as we strive to reduce our carbon footprint on the environment. We put a lot of thought into what goes into the trash, what goes into the recycle bin, and what we can reuse somewhere or for something else. When we throw something out, we are very clear on what and why it is being thrown out.
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