One thing begets another. Fear begets fear. Love begets love. Hate begets hate. Hope begets hope. Sometimes we get so caught up in the process of begetting fear that we forget we have the power to beget hope. Then something will happen and we will be able to find our way back to being hopeful and being able to give hope to others. This is the lesson behind a story I read in a book by R. Wayne Willis called Hope Notes.
"There's an old Egyptian story about a little boy named Miobi who came to a village where the people were very strange
Read moreAs many of you know, the theme for March has been about being present and the theme for April is about compassion. This week, I decided to talk about something which blends these two spiritual practices together. Being still is about being present and sometimes being present means that we have to be compassionate with ourselves as well as others.
Those who know me, know that being still is not something I do easily. I am generally always doing something. However, I am intentional about taking time in the morning to meditate, sit, and be still!
Read moreAbout this time last year, I was reminded of a story I had heard once about how the difference between evolving and revolving is an R. When we keep doing or believing the same thing repeatedly, then we are not evolving. It is as if we are trapped in one of those revolving doors, which we often see in department stores. We are just revolving through life and not evolving.
Part of this revolving is our inability to put closure to things in our life. Whether it is putting closure to an old job or an old relationship, if we do not put closure to the feelings and situation, then it follows us with us into the next situation or relationship. Sometimes we need to put closure to some of the beliefs we grew up with in our lives. As we grow and evolve, what we believe also changes. These beliefs only have power over us as long as we agree they are true and give them power in our lives. When we realize they no longer need to reside in our minds, we can say to them, “you are no longer true” and put closure to that part of our belief system.
Read moreWhen I was intentionally beginning my personal healing work, the writer my therapist was using and encouraging all clients to read was the work of John Bradshaw, author of Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. This book discusses how the process of healing your wounded inner child is one of grief, and it involves these six steps. The first of these six steps is trust.
The person we most need to trust in our lives is ourselves. In order for us to begin our own healing process (emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually); we must begin by trusting ourselves. For many people, our wounded inner child is in hiding. That wounded part does not trust others and to some extent does not even trust the older version of who we are. To keep themselves safe, they learned to hide until they could find someone who would be a supportive and non-shaming ally.
Read moreForgiving others is one thing. Forgiving ourselves is another. It seems as if every day I become mindful of yet another piece of poison, as Don Miguel Ruiz would call them, that I somehow internalized as a child and have been living with for decades. The lies were all a part of my domestication to the planet. As we evolve and grow, we become mindful of those lies which we no longer agree to and which we must replace in our lives.
Removing them from our lives is one part of the process of healing and evolving. The other part is forgiving ourselves for internalizing them in the first place. Most of these lies, we may not have even realized were lies when we first internalized them. We just ate them because we were told they were good for us.
Read moreAs I look around the world I see so many people in need, but unable to ask for help. I also have become aware that I have gone through phases in my life when I have had trouble asking for help. There seems to be two reasons people have a hard time accepting help. One is that they think it is going to make them look week or vulnerable. The other is the illusion that people who appear to be successful in what they do, never ask for help.
Asking for help does not make one appear weak. Asking for help creates an atmosphere of environment. Asking for help not only creates an opportunity for others to feel blessed, but for people to empower themselves.
Read moreSomeone I know once told me they would rather be in a relationship, which was abusive and miserable, then be alone. The other day someone told me how being alone was the scariest time in their life. Increasingly, I am encountering people who would rather be around people who they do not like, then be alone. So what has made being alone such a thing to be feared? The question I asked both of them was what is it that you see in yourself when you are alone that makes it feel better to be treated badly by someone else? What they both said was that it was not about them, but that they did not want to be alone. What I have come to realize over the course of my life is that until we can be alone with ourselves, we cannot be present with anyone else.
There is a difference between desiring someone to cuddle with at night. There is nothing wrong with wanting to share a meal or talk with someone over a glass of wine or cup of coffee. Part of who we are as human beings is the desire to commune with others, to communicate and seek companionship and camaraderie. However, it can be unhealthy to avoid the sacred nature of being alone because one is scared to spend time communing with one’s self.
Read moreEverything we say and do in our lives is about choice. Our thoughts, words, and behaviors are all actions. It is through these actions that we create our stories, our belief systems, our perceptions of others, and contribute to others engagement in our dream and the dream of the planet, as don Miguel Ruiz argues. . The dream of the planet is “What Toltecs call the combined energetic structure of beliefs, rules and concepts that all the humans on our planet simultaneously dream and project onto our conjoined reality.” (Rosenthal, 2005, p. 321)
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I have long believed that the opposite of love is fear and as a friend once told me fear is false evidence appearing real. Love is real, fear is not. Fear just appears real. Yet fear is like a self propagating weed which seems to take over an entire yard. It continues to keep coming back until you are able to dig them up by their roots and permanently remove them.
The soil in which our fear is planted is in our mind. Our mind is like fertile ground where these weeds exist until we have stalked them down to their roots and removed them. We have a choice as to whether we plants weeds of fear or seeds of love in our minds. When we are impeccable with our word, which is the first agreement in Toltec Wisdom, then our mind is no longer fertile ground for weeds of fear; it is only fertile for seeds of love.
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