I want to thank you for the reminder of the transformative power of love. I was so moved by this video and the story of those who radiated love out to those whose actions and beliefs had led to such a devastating effect on their lives and families. As I watched it, I was reminded of how my Bubby had taught me to pray for those who hurt me. That lesson first started when I was 13, at least that is when I first remember it. It was when I was gang raped by people I went to school with and had to sit in the same room as so I could finish my education. She had told me that I needed to pray for my own healing, but that I also needed to pray for forgiveness and healing for all those who had violated me.
She would always tell me that holding on to hate for them would only make me sick, angry, and bitter and that was not who you had created me to be. So she taught me to pray for them and for me until there was only love in my heart and I had forgiven them for what they had done. Maybe that is why I was at such piece decades later when one of them came to pay his condolences when I was home preparing for my father’s funeral. It was odd that he needed to come by after all those years to seek forgiveness. He somehow thought that he needed me to forgive him; the sad thing was that I had done that decades ago. Read More
I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for blessing me with Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting through the Storm. I am not sure what I was expecting when I began this book, but I am so grateful for all that is helping me to release and the wounds that are being healed along the way. One of the things he pointed out was that whether we are physically connected to or want to be connected to our ancestors, we are. We need to heal the wounds we have inherited as part of our legacy. One of the things he suggested doing was writing letters as a form of meditational practice to our ancestors and parents. As I thought about this, I realized I had written letters to my parents before and after they made transition. However, never in my life have I written a letter to my foster parents or to my birth parents. Even though I will never meet them, at least not in this realm, I am still connected to them and in their own ways; we will always be connected. So today, I am going to begin with the one that might be the hardest, the letter to my biological father. I am not even sure how you write a love letter to someone you never knew and are not even sure you ever met or ever say me. However, I am going to do my best Read More
All this month, I have been thinking about forgiveness. Each week, I have learned something new about myself, something I need to let go of within myself and forgive myself for thinking, feeling, or internalizing. Planning Zoe’s 60th surprise birthday party has brought up a few things I needed to forgive. This week, I have had to learn to release expectations about people and events. I had to learn to let this weekend celebration of Zoe’s life be what it was supposed to be. I had to release my expectations that people would communicate with me when there was a change in plans, as I would have with them. I had to release my desire to have the whole family together at one time. As with relationships, once I learned to release expectations around how things were going to be, it was just fine. However, for that hour or so that I was working on releasing my dreams and fantasies, I have had to forgive myself for self-imposed suffering. Read More
I am so grateful for the Bitstrip image I created a few days ago that said, “When a problem comes along Sharon must whip it.” I wrote on the cartoon, “I can whip any problem.” This turned out to be so true this week. Each day this week has been an opportunity for me to put on my Wonder Woman outfit and walk in the fullness of my strength and courage. Some of the challenges were little things, like my Facebook page for Inspiritual disappearing for a few hours. Other things were a bit more challenging, such as learning how to be patient with Zoe’s family as they worked out the details for her Aunt Neeny’s funeral, then reworked them after the snowstorm, which closed down the cemetery. Then there were the little things like figuring out accessibility issues for me once we arrive in Long Island. In the midst of it all, my inner Wonder Woman showed up and showed out. Read More
Once again, I have learned how easy it is to be sucked into the power of the past and forget that none of us is the same person we were in the past. The other day, my son called crying and then hung up on me and immediately I became concerned for him, his caregivers, and the other young man in his life. Why? Because I remembered all the other times he had lost control when he was with me and how he was. I remembered the time he nearly hit me over the head with a 2 x 4. I remembered all the other times he had become angry and became physically aggressive with myself and others and I assumed that this was what was happening again.
The next day when I spoke to his caregiver, I learned that he had not been physical at all. He had been far more appropriate then I have ever known him to be. Read More
Dear Sharon –
I just wanted to let you know how proud I was of you yesterday. You spoke your truth in love. In a space where you could have responded out of anger, you chose to respond out of love and compassion and help the other person release their guilt. I know that forgiving them was important. I also know forgiving yourself was equally important. In doing so, you set both of you free. I know there were moments where you wanted to listen to the Inner Judge telling you how this was your fault. However, you need to remember that when you made the decision you did, it was the best decision you could have made in those circumstances Read More
Hmm. The one that really is speaking to me the most is #3. So I guess I will be coming back to this entry for the next week. Isn’t that kind of like life – a work in progressJ? So this morning my first thought was how I just wanted to make it to the bathroom on time and then when I did I was angry because I realized I was having my first period in over a year. I thought I was through with this part of my life. Not really holding any grudges this morning and am at a space where the one thing in my life which is unresolved, well I know in time it is going to be resolved. So that is a good thing. I can live with knowing it is all going to be ok. I think it helped that I have clarification from CDR about what they will do for me as an individual and how I can work to get others involved systemically.
So let me take just a moment to pray before I get started with my day. Read More