Forgiving others is one thing. Forgiving ourselves is another. It seems as if every day I become mindful of yet another piece of poison, as Don Miguel Ruiz would call them, that I somehow internalized as a child and have been living with for decades. The lies were all a part of my domestication to the planet. As we evolve and grow, we become mindful of those lies which we no longer agree to and which we must replace in our lives.
Removing them from our lives is one part of the process of healing and evolving. The other part is forgiving ourselves for internalizing them in the first place. Most of these lies, we may not have even realized were lies when we first internalized them. We just ate them because we were told they were good for us.
Read moreGrowing up, I remember my Bubby (Yiddish for grandmother), reminding me that there was a lesson hidden in everything I felt. Her advice was to accept the feeling and seek out the gift. This was true regardless of whether it was sadness, happiness, or something in between. She taught me to understand and see what I was feeling within the broader context of life. This was a lesson she taught me a few ways. One day, when I was sad she gave me a pinch of salt to eat. I remember needing to rinse my mouth out with water, for what seemed like forever. I had tried to spit it out; however, she would not let me. Later, she took the same amount of salt, sprinkled it on a burger, and had me eat it. As part of the burger, it tasted amazing and seemed to make the burger taste better. This lesson reminded me that everything is part of something bigger then what it appears to be.
I call this “game” my Bubby taught me, accept and seek.
Read moreWe all have ways of doing things in our life. Over time, they become patterns. For example, my family knows that my morning pattern once I wake up begins with my going to the bathroom, filling up my water glass, if it is not already filled from the night before, then doing my morning spiritual ritual – five things I am grateful, what is inspiring me, what my intention is for the day and taking a few minutes to reflect on the thought for the day. We all have patterns in our life.
Sometimes others become so accustomed to our patterns that out patterns become important to them as well. Some of the patterns in our life have been a part of our life for a long time; others are newly formed.
Read moreAs I look around the world I see so many people in need, but unable to ask for help. I also have become aware that I have gone through phases in my life when I have had trouble asking for help. There seems to be two reasons people have a hard time accepting help. One is that they think it is going to make them look week or vulnerable. The other is the illusion that people who appear to be successful in what they do, never ask for help.
Asking for help does not make one appear weak. Asking for help creates an atmosphere of environment. Asking for help not only creates an opportunity for others to feel blessed, but for people to empower themselves.
Read moreIt seems that today we live in a day of acronyms LOL, ROTFLMAO, TTYL, CYA, etc. Sometimes we become so accustomed to them that we assume everyone knows what they are, until they let us know that they don’t. For example, the other day someone asked me what cya stood for; she thought I was saying cover your ass and thought that was a strange way to end a conversation. I meant I will see you later. So today, I thought I would introduce two of the acronyms I use in my own life. The first is EEHH.
EEHH means empty, empty, happy, happy. I learned a meditation from either the movie or book Eat Pray Love. I am not sure I remember which one. However, I love that as a meditational mantra because it reminds to me empty myself of all of my attachments to people and things.
Read moreThis morning I realized that this is my last blog, at least for this year, on acknowledgement. I have reflected on acknowledging feelings, that we are works in progress, and our need to spend time with our Higher Power and ourselves. As I was writing in my gratitude journal, I realized that it was a space where I acknowledged the goodness in self, others, and the world.
Listening to the news, which I try not to do anymore, there is such a focus on creating an aura of fear, evil, corruption, and negativity. It is only when one turns to sources such as http://Upworthy.com or http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/ that one gains exposure to stories which inspire, create environments where people can empower themselves, and promote goodness in the world.
Read moreSomeone I know once told me they would rather be in a relationship, which was abusive and miserable, then be alone. The other day someone told me how being alone was the scariest time in their life. Increasingly, I am encountering people who would rather be around people who they do not like, then be alone. So what has made being alone such a thing to be feared? The question I asked both of them was what is it that you see in yourself when you are alone that makes it feel better to be treated badly by someone else? What they both said was that it was not about them, but that they did not want to be alone. What I have come to realize over the course of my life is that until we can be alone with ourselves, we cannot be present with anyone else.
There is a difference between desiring someone to cuddle with at night. There is nothing wrong with wanting to share a meal or talk with someone over a glass of wine or cup of coffee. Part of who we are as human beings is the desire to commune with others, to communicate and seek companionship and camaraderie. However, it can be unhealthy to avoid the sacred nature of being alone because one is scared to spend time communing with one’s self.
Read moreI was once told relationships are not for punks. It took me a while to get at the meaning behind that, but what I have learned over the years is that being in an intimate relationship requires courage, strength, and a willingness to make one’s self vulnerable. By intimate, I am not just talking about physical intimacy, but emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy. That intimacy is developed over time. Intimacy comes when we open ourselves up personally and make ourselves and our lives vulnerable. Over time, your whole life becomes naked to them and to yourself. In an intimate relationship, we open ourselves and are opened by our partner to seeing the powerful and weaker parts of who we are. We also give our partners the permission to do the same. Over time we learn how to know when to stand our ground and when to compromise. We work with each other to become increasingly grounded in who we are and support each other in the journey. When I think about the two human beings in my life with whom I am the most intimate with one thing is true of both, the Ultimate Consciousness is involved in both and the truth is ever revealing itself as we journey together. We are never finished growing or evolving. We are works in progress.
Read moreHow are you?
I’m fine.
This seems to be one of the most common conversations we have with people and the sad truth is there is generally no honesty in this conversation Most of the times we do not genuinely want to know how others are or what they are feeling and most of us are not “fine” all the time. What does fine feel like? Are we lying to ourselves and others when we deny what we are feeling? Is this yet another mask we wear to prevent others from getting to know us or to become vulnerable in a relationship? Are we afraid to be honest with others or ourselves about what we are really feeling? We cannot begin to heal within ourselves or in our relationships with others until the wounding stops. So if denying our feelings is wounding, then we are preventing ourselves from healing.
Read moreAs I wrote about in my reflection for the April 2014 issue of One Spirit, Many Voices newsletter, “Acknowledgment can be used in two ways. One is the “acceptance of the truth or existence of something.” The other is the “action of expressing or displaying gratitude or appreciation for something.” Both are important in the healing process.” Sometimes what we need to acknowledge is what is unfinished in our lives.
When I think of stories of unfinished business, I am reminded of the story in John 5. This man had been sitting at the source of his healing for 38 years waiting for others to help him or to be able to get himself in the pool next. In John 5:7 he says “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; and while I am making my way, someone else steps down ahead of me.” this man has not looked the situation in the eye, he has not acknowledged what he has not done and so passively says it is somebody else’s fault that I am in this position.
Read moreOne of the things I have learned through my studies on Toltec wisdom is that the way we see ourselves is not the way other people perceive us. As don Miguel Ruiz teaches, when we write in our minds the story of our lives, we are the main characters, and others are the supporting actors and actresses. In their stories, we are written in as the supporting roles. How they construct our character in their story may or may not be the way we construct or perceive ourselves. Rarely, are we fully aware of how others perceive us. Even if they share their perceptions with us, they are limited by their ability to communicate their perceptions of us.
When people speak to us, it is a reflection of what they are saying as the character they have created in their minds. How we respond to what others have to say about us is about us. It is this self-awareness of how we respond which can become a tool in our own spiritual healing and growth. What others say to us are just lines from their story. They only have the power to affect us to the extent we allow them to do so.
Read moreAbout 3 years ago, I wrote a piece called No more poison!. In it, I reflected on something don Miguel Ruiz said in his book The Four Agreements. He wrote, “Taking things personally makes you prey for predators. They can hook your attention with one little opinion, and feed you whatever poison they want. Refuse to eat poison! When he put it in those words, “Refuse to eat poison!” I realized how logical that sounds. Most people would not voluntarily or consciously eat poison. Yet some of us eat and serve poison on a daily basis.
Any time we hold a resentment towards someone, we are poisoning ourselves. The longer we hold the resentment, the more poison we are ingesting. A steady ingestion of poison over time can lead to an early death. So, in actuality, when we do this we are not only poisoning ourselves, we are committing suicide. We are leading ourselves to a type of early death. Nelson Mandela once said, “Holding on to resentment is like taking a poison pill and waiting for the other person to die.” We are the ones who die when we hold on to resentment.
Read moreThis morning a colleague of mine, Kitty Wolfsong, and I were having a conversation about hearing and receiving messages. I shared with her a story that I had heard Louse Hay tell about how different people can tell the same story, and you will hear it differently from each person depending on how they tell it. She shared with me her story about the bucket theory. She shared, “we each put our drops in the bucket, and who knows what will be the drop that causes the bucket to overflow (with love).” Her story reminded me a fable another colleague of mine, Jack Stephens, told in his book Soul Self: Hot to tame your mind, uncover your blueprint, and live your soul purpose. So this week, I would like to share this fable as it is all about becoming aware of how we internalize other people’s beliefs and agree to them and how the process of releasing them begins with a single step in a different direction and some courage.
Read moreYesterday was one of those days when I realized the importance of realizing that something is what it is, nothing more or nothing less. Sometimes we just need to let it be and not sit in judgment of it or a situation. I often talk about how so much of our suffering comes from others not meeting our expectations. Yesterday, I became aware that I had held on to an expectation for seven years that I did not even know I had. It was not until the expectation was not met that I realized I had been holding on to this expectation for years. The words I was given during my prayer last night was “let it be!”
Read moreAround our house, Wednesday night is the night we take out the trash. The little cans are emptied, the kitchen bag pulled and tied shut, and they all are thrown in our wheeling little dumpster. We also condense the recycle bins and bring them down to the curb as well. We have to do it at night because the trash men normally come before either of us up and moving.
Over the last few years, we have become increasingly focused on recycling and reusing as we strive to reduce our carbon footprint on the environment. We put a lot of thought into what goes into the trash, what goes into the recycle bin, and what we can reuse somewhere or for something else. When we throw something out, we are very clear on what and why it is being thrown out.
Read moreA few days ago, we celebrated Valentine’s Day and I have to say I have mixed feelings about this holiday. When I was a child I used to love it for the candy and cards, I got from my peers in school. As an adult, I have come to not like it for the commercialization of the idea and the focus and pressure some people experience to be in an intimate relationship.
Zoe and I no longer celebrate Valentine’s Day. For us, everyday is Valentine’s Day. We do not do anything special just because the world says, “It’s Valentine’s Day.” Rather, at the end of each day we take a moment to share at least one thing the other one has done that has made us feel loved. Sometimes we do them throughout the day, especially when one of us is not feeling well and may not be awake at the end of the day.
Read moreRecently I was having a conversation with someone about how hard it is to leave a relationship. They were talking about how there never seems to be the right time or the right moment to leave. She was trying to find a way to leave this relationship without hurting the other person. It had been a long journey to arrive at the space where she realized she had done all she could and given all she had to make it work, but that this relationship had served its purpose in her life. She had learned so many valuable lessons, but the growth they had enabled each other to do was now taking them in completely different directions. She was staying in this relationship out of fear and not out of love. As she saw breaking up, it was about how she had failed. It seems like this is how most people feel when a relationship ends; there is a focus on what did I do wrong. However, when we shift the perspective and begin to give thanks for the gifts that have come through this relationship, the growth we have experienced, and the blessings we have received, it becomes easier to give thanks and let go because we are focused on the positive.
Read moreThis is my second time in six months to feel the need to reflect on this statement. I wrote about this in September 2013 in a blog by the same name – You are worthy. You are worthy. It is such a simple statement. Nothing complex, just three simple words - You are worthy. Yet, when I speak these words to others, I see such a powerful emotional response. It saddens me that simple expressions such as “You are loved” or “You are worthy” have the power to bring tears to people’s eyes. A simple truth “You are worthy” can help people remember that they are worthy and worthy of being loved.
The Ultimate Consciousness wants nothing more for us then for us to know we were created in the image of the Divine, which is love. God wants nothing more then for us to know we are worthy of peace and joy in our lives. So why is it that we seem to work so hard to convince the Divine and others that we do not deserve the unconditional love from which we were created.
Read moreMy friend Jane, who I mention quite often in my gratitude journal and who inspired our affirmation card ministry, send me a funny story which is all about what happens when we make assumptions. This is her story.
My friend, Ingrid, and I made these candleholders. We made 6 in total. They are put together like building blocks with glass vases, bowls, plates etc. to get the desired affect and then glued to stay in place. We’d been collecting glassware from second-hand shops for a while and it took nearly a whole day to make the 6.
We decided to give the three largest to Patience’s Mum, Sylvia, for Christmas, as they looked great in a cluster.
Read moren my work with others as a spiritual partner, I so often hear people say things like, “I tell my children that all the time” or “I say that to my friends all the time.” We have internal wisdom we have learned over time and been taught by those who came before us. We so willingly share it with others, but when it comes to our own lives, we do not always tap into our own Divine wisdom.
I began thinking about the powerful lessons I have been taught by those who have come before me, learned through my own study and have also had to learn to digest and embody in my own life. This list is those things that I strive to remember each day and the nuggets of wisdom I share with my inner child when she needs to hear them, and sometimes when she does not.
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